


What I Thought Was Real

by darkhearthowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Kind of happy ending, M/M, Phil Lester - Freeform, Romantic Fluff, Sad, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkhearthowell/pseuds/darkhearthowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything Dan thought was real starts to fall apart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Thought Was Real

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy!!! AND the italics are Dan's POV/ his thoughts.

Dan felt the warmth of sun on his face but the bed seemed strangely cold. He reached out to the side of him but touched only bare cloth.

“Phil?” the former whispered croakily. But voice replied to his call, so Dan groggily climbed out of bed and pulled himself to his feet. As he walked to the door a wave of dizziness suddenly hit him and he had to cling on the wall so as not to fall down. _What the hell?_ But before Dan could think anything else of it, it disappeared as soon as it came. He shook his head slowly, regained his posture and opened the room door.

The smell hit him immediately, fried eggs and bacon. _Was Phil making breakfast?_ Dan dragged his way up the corridor to the kitchen, trailing one hand along the wall as he went.

When the brunette reached the deliciously smelling room he peered round the door and saw Phil stood by the stove, humming happily to himself. Dan quietly snuck up behind him and wrapped his arms around the black haired boy. Phil gave a little jump of surprise but when Dan leaned in and planted a kiss on his neck the latter sunk into his body, pulling Dan’s arms around himself tighter.

“You making breakfast for me Philly?” Dan whispered sleepily into his ear.

“Well I was just going to make it for myself, but I’ll consider sharing a bit with you,” he giggled cheekily. Dan chuckled nuzzling into Phil’s neck.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He pulled his head up and focused on the wall above the oven.

“What the hell happened there?” Dan gasped. It was now entirely made up of white tiles but they looked old and discoloured, covered in scratches and small cracks. Not the usual sleek gray glass that was there only yesterday.

“Dan, what are you talking about?” _And what was he talking about?_ The wall was now its usual glass material with not even a scratch to be seen. “Nothing, I-I’m probably just tired,” Dan muttered hurriedly, but the raven haired boy still looked on unconvinced.

* * *

Dan sat in the browsing position slowly scrolling through tumblr; he was on the Dan and Phil tag, and there was a drawing of Phil sat smiling cross legged on the floor.

He scrolled down a bit more and the image that came up on screen was neither him nor Phil. It was a dull white room made up of tiles, with a bed pushed to one corner and a desk in the other. Large black writing was painted on the wall ‘ **this isn’t real** ’. Dan shivered and quickly scrolled passed it, he didn’t want another existential crisis, but unfortunately the next post was of the same room only different writing ‘ **dan you need to come back to the real world** ’. And again ‘ **you can’t stay here forever** ’, ‘ **please just snap out of it** ’.

The writing carried on. Every picture showed it. He scrolled down and down but it wouldn’t disappear. Dan suddenly slammed the laptop shut. His pulse was fast and he was breathing heavily. _It was just a prank the fans were pulling on him, it was all okay._ Dan pulled up his Mac screen expecting to see the white room with the black words on his dash but no. The pictures had completely disappeared.

* * *

“What would you like for tea?” Phil mumbled while his face was squished into Dan’s side in an awkward sort of hug.

“How about we order Chinese and re-watch some death note?” Dan smiled half-heartedly; he was still worried about the earlier days events. First the wall and then tumblr. Maybe anime would take his mind off things.

“I’m in,” Phil said while pulling himself across Dan, reaching for his Phone.

Half an hour and some lazy kisses later the Chinese had arrived and they were getting ready to start death note when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Dan said while pulling himself off the couch, wobbling slightly as his feet hit the ground.

He made his way into the corridor and descended the stairs to reach the front door. When he pulled it open he was met with no person or even the outside of his apartment at all but a wall of cracked, old, white tiles.

Dan felt a scream rise in his throat but no voice came out, only a crackle as if he was suffering from tonsillitis.

The brunette collapsed to the floor and curled up in a ball. _What’s happening to me? I’m not crazy. I can’t be._

Phil found him there five minutes later, now staring blank eyed at a closed door with puffy eyes and tear tracks down his face. “Dan, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Phil whispered crouching down to him, concern filling his face.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Dan sniffled.

“Let’s go to bed, okay? I think you need some sleep.” Phil murmured pulling Dan up and leading him to his room. “I’ll be back in a second. The Chinese needs cleaning up.” Phil turned and left the room without another word.

Dan stripped off until he was only in his boxers and pulled on some pyjama bottoms before slipping into bed. He lay down, his head against the pillow. He could hardly think, seeming to have gone numb. The events of today were crazy, insane even, and highly impossible. He blamed it on lack of sleep; all those late nights on tumblr seem to have taken their toll.

Phil entered the room not long after dressed in sonic pyjamas. Despite everything today Dan still managed to laugh. “You’re such a child.” He said rolling his eyes and turning face first into the pillow.

He felt the duvet covers lift and a body slip in beside him. “I’m no child!” Phil said indignantly. “I’m the manliest man you will ever meet.”

“Goodnight, Phil,” Dan said moving to face the other way, but Phil pulled him into a hug from behind and they slowly drifted to sleep with limbs entwined. A faint smile on Dan’s face.

No matter what, he’d always have Phil.

* * *

The next morning Dan woke up once again to an empty bed, but it didn’t surprise him. Phil continually woke up before him.

He pulled himself out of bed, dragging the covers with him onto the floor then continuing to fall over flat on his face. “Fuck.”

“Dan? Are you okay?” A familiar voice came from the opposite room, and then his bedroom door opened to reveal an overly happy Phil.

“Yeah, good. The floor and I are just having a bit of an intimate moment. What are you doing?” Dan said, his voice muffled by the carpet underneath him.

Phil giggled quietly as Dan stayed stationary on the floor. “I was doing some editing and then about to reply to some people on twitter. You should probably get some food, its one o’clock. I didn’t want to wake you.” He said still in that typical ‘happy Phil voice’.

“What the hell! One o’clock! I need more of a social life.” Dan grumbled into the floor.

“Have fun Dan,” Phil said before exiting with a wink and a loud bang of the door.

Dan looked up after Phil but just above the door something caught his eye. A patch of peeling paint and a crack about a meter long, but as soon as Dan blinked it was gone.

* * *

Dan and Phil were curled up on the sofa, arms and legs laid together with the TV playing strictly come dancing. Dan was sleepy and his eyes kept drooping but Phil’s humming and random kisses kept him from falling into sleeps awaiting arms. The new dance partners came on TV and suddenly the music changed to a different tune and immediately Dan could tell Phil was grinning.

 _Thinking out loud_ slowly seeped into their living room and Phil Jumped off the couch pulling Dan with him, until they were stood in the middle of the room; Phil had fixed Dan’s arms around his waist while he put his arms around Dan’s neck.

They were slow dancing in the middle of the living room and were both smiling like love sick idiots. The song continued and they stared into each other’s eyes. Unknowingly and naturally they started to lean forward until their fore heads were touching with their lips only inches apart. Dan could feel Phil’s breath ghosting across his face. Dan filled the space between them as he pushed their lips together. There was no forcefulness or lust filled haze. It was pure love. Unbending, never ending complete and utter love. Dan wanted to be in that moment forever. Phil’s warm, soft lips pressed against his. But of course everything good thing has to come to an end.

There was a loud splintering sound and they broke apart, fear filling Dan’s eyes as he saw where the sound came from. A huge crack ran from ceiling to floor about two inches apart up the left hand wall, but behind it was not another apartment. It was a bright white light. A huge smashing sound came from above and Dan dived out of the way pulling Phil with him. Where they had been standing mere seconds ago was a huge boulder nearly twice their size, and the ceiling was split open reviling more of that painfully bright light.

He wasn’t hallucinating anymore. Phil’s face confirmed it. Another loud smashing noise came and the ceiling broke apart across the room. Dan turned to Phil, terrified for what was going to happen to them.

“I love you, I will always love you. No matter what happens.” Dan whispers desperately to Phil. More of the ceiling collapsed, missing them my inches. Dan turned to look at Phil as he began to speak. “I-”, but the room collapsed before Phil could utter another word.

* * *

The first thing he saw was blinding light. Retina burning, white hot burning light.

Dan couldn’t comprehend what was going on.

 _Where’s Phil? What happened?_ But he didn’t seem to be able to speak. His throat was raw and scolding hot. He tried to call out, but all he got was an almost silent scratchy gasp. He tried to lift his hand up to shield his eyes from the light, but something was holding them down. He pulled, trying to get his arms free. They wouldn’t move. He pulled again. Dan’s brain was going wild.

 _How could he have ended up here?_ _Did someone drug and kidnap him? Was this heaven... or hell?_ But the one main thought that filled his brain was, _where was Phil?_ With a suddenly terrifying thought of Phil being dead Dan regained at least partially the power of sound.

He began to yell. Screaming like a maniac. He carried on until he heard voices. But they didn’t stop to listen to him. As soon as he heard a door opening he felt a sharp jab in his arm and a slipping sensation came over him. His yells became fast talking gibberish, his voice became whispering, his whispering became puffs of air until his eyelids drooped and consciousness left him.

* * *

Dan stared blankly at the wall; studying the old tiles that covered the room.

He sat on the bed that was pushed into the corner and he could see the desk at the other side of the room also pushed to the side.

They told him everything. He didn’t believe them though. It couldn’t be true. His whole life, everything he'd done, the radio shows, the book, the tour, YouTube. they couldn’t not be real. His whole life was fake, a lie his mind had thought up in his unstable state, to escape from reality.

He was in a Psychiatric hospital, apparently having been there six months. It didn’t make sense. Dan could never live in a world without Phil. He would never be sane. _But that’s exactly why you’re here, because you’re not sane,_ nasty voice in Dan's head replied.

The digital clock flashed on the wall opposite, showing the date and time. 12:30. 19/10/10. The nineteenth of October 2010. Exactly a year after he should have met the love of his life.

_I had imagined six years of my life. It was all a hallucination. My perfect world._

_My mother told me someone was visiting. Someone I'd be excited to meet. Someone I've wanted to meet for a long time. Not anymore._

The Door to Dan’s room opened and one of the nurses walked in.

“Mr Howell, someone is here to see you by your mother’s request.”

Dan’s face stayed frozen and unblinking looking at the floor. He didn’t care; all he wanted was to be alone. The door re-opened and Dan didn’t look up. The sound of footfalls getting closer didn’t rouse anything. Dan carried on staring unfazed. They were less than a meter away now and Dan finally decided to meet his eyes to presumed stranger. Except, this was no stranger.

“So I hear you like watching my YouTube videos?” said the smiling boy in front of him.

“Phil?”


End file.
